The three houses directly opposite us have all decided to move at the same time. My mum is having a spastic fit because she thinks there must be some sort of plague or serial killer loose in the neighbourhood that we don’t know about. In any case, I was going to walk up the road to buy some food, since straight after my teeth recovered I ate our fridge. As soon as I walked out the door, my mum yelled at me to come over and meet our new neighbours, an old couple and their 7 year old grand daughter Jenny. I went over there and Mrs Across-the-road went “Oh yes, i suppose i can spare just one more packet of tea and sponge”. TEA AND SPONGE. I was forced inside for tea and sponge. Jenny and Mr Across-the-road weren’t there. I’m not exactly sure why I was there. What I did know, was that as soon as I went inside the house it was HOT. Hot enough that the heat setting on the heater must have been set to ‘Sun’. My Mum was chatting to Mrs Across-the-road and I was nibbling tea and sponge that tasted like it might disintegrate. If ever there was a time to develop special powers, the time was now. I tried for about a million years to make the wall clock fall onto Mrs Across-the-road’s head with my eyes, but it just gave me a bad headache. Then Jenny and Mr Across-the-road came back from picking up what was apparently their new German Shepard. I love dogs, which is what makes this next part even worse. They didn’t have a name for their dog yet. Mr Across-the-road wanted to name him Hero, Jenny wanted to name him Princess, Mrs Across-the-Road wanted to name him something original. Why exactly would she ask my mum for suggestions? My mum thought hard and then said, ‘Petunia’. PETUNIA? Of all the great names for a dog my mum came up with Petunia the German Shepard. Oh wait. Yes, that sounds about right. If they call him Petunia he is a cursed dog. I will never be able to look him in the eyes again. That was when I laughed and joked that if they were thinking of naming the dog ‘Petunia’ then they should probably name him Gayleen. Mr Across-the-road said it was Australian. (Yes, perhaps if you’re naming a wombat.) Mrs Across-the-road said it was unique. So now I live opposite Gayleen the German Shepard. I have accidentally named a male dog Gayleen. I tried to argue that this was a boy dog and that Gayleen was not fitting, but apparently the name ‘Gayleen’ is unisex and in their eyes this probably made it more attractive and indie.
A few minutes ago I was thinking of how I even came up with the name Gayleen, as it isn’t exactly a name you hear daily. Then I realised that I have accidentally named their male dog after my (probably) lesbian RE teacher. I blame this on my mother. With an idea like ‘Petunia’ it’s a wonder I didn’t end up being called Gayleen. Well. I’ve obviously done all I can do.
Maybe, things would've turned out better if there were another option. Maybe, the whole situation could've changed if you said yes rather than no. Maybe everything would've been better or worse if you picked the other option. But you will never know, cause you picked the wrong one in the first place, didn't you?