My mum is hassling my brother to drop chinese and pick up french.
Mum: ‘Look how your sister has turned out, she dropped all her languages and now she regrets it.’ Audrey: ‘…No i don’t.’ Mum: ‘Languages have the highest scaling in VCE and now her subjects are going to drag her down.’ Audrey: ‘No they aren’t..’ Mum: ‘She can’t be bi-lingual now! She’s sad that she hasnt got the chance to speak to the natives in other countries.’ Audrey: ‘NO IM NOT..’ Mum: 'In fact there isnt even a point in travelling to other countries if you dont understand the language!’ Audrey: ‘YES THERE IS!’ Mum: ‘You dont want to end up like that do you?’ Dad: ‘I BOUGHT HOME ADAM’S TAEKWANDO PAJAMAS!’ Mum: *ignores dad* ’Audrey, tell him that as a family, we all think its best if he starts french.’
Audrey: ‘As I’ve said before, we are 4 different people, who through great misfortune, happen to be stuck in the same house together.’
I am obviously greatly overlooked. I don’t know what she’s complaining about.. I can say 'Possiedo tre capre e un maiale.' which is Italian.
I bet you don’t know what i just said. i said ’I own three goats and a pig.’
ahahahahahaha oh yes thats right, check and mate mother.
“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you it doesn’t love you anymore.”— Lady Gaga
My dad is on a name-writing rampage. God save us all. I tried to siphon him off to the chemist to get rid of him, but he obviously has some sort of supernatural power with a sharpie. I was packing very nicely all on my owney, when he just appeared in my room like the Bride Of Dracula. He just appeared from nowhere.
All i can say, is that i hope no one who respects me ever sees me in my thermals. They’ll be wondering where Audrey’s gone and why there’s a mime-caveman in her place, as of course there are no showers at camp and i dont expect to come out alive. I have black thermals. Good luck to the people who are basking in rainbow thermal glory, Emilys going come out looking like something from Cat in the Hat.
Why am i even a part of this packing process? Dads so enthusiastic that the items are basically packing themselves. He’s going on and on about how he camped for about 3/4s of his life, back in the old days with the lads. LADS?? Since when were the lads 85? and a half.
My dad is like Nanny Mcfee. When we need him, but don’t want him, he must stay. When we want him, but don’t need him, he must go. Coincidentally i neither want nor need him at this current moment in time.
Also what insect in their right mind would hang out in the snow? He just gave me a lecture on the importance of insect repellent and then strode off like he thought he was Crocodile Dundee. Which i think he does. I said to Mum, “Dad is very, very like the man from Man vs Wild, isn’t he? Apart from being well-fed, bald and defenceless.” She shushed me, but there is no denying that i’m hilarious.
Look for me extra early on the bus tmrw. Ill be the one with the nametag on my forehead.