1. Don’t start having sex. Who starts having sex in the middle of a forest.. at night.. IN A TENT while their friend is investigating the ‘strange crying noise’?
2. For Gods sakes, Look behind you.
3. Don’t go camping. Especially in the middle of no where that is not a real campsite. Who would do this? Well that is just common sense isn’t it..
4. If you are lucky enough to be in the situation with a group of people, DO NOT separate or pair off. If someone wants to go off alone and get themselves killed, then that bitch had it coming.
5. Always wear sensible shoes, because you never know when you’ll need to run through the forest. Someone will always be barefoot, in heels or just plain clumsy and will sprain their ankle and die.
6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead. Yes, this will be fun, lets take a slight detour from our holiday and reenact The House Of Wax.
7. Don’t be a hero. Unless your name is Harry Potter, you will die.
8. If you hear something creepy in the distance, (like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark) don’t investigate. The killer is there. Also your dog is dead.
9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, do not ask the dodgy-looking townie for help. Some part of your body will end up in his pick-up truck.
11. Don’t go into the basement. They are creepy enough without you dying in one.
12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct questions about either the history of the home or the previous tenants, DO NOT MOVE IN. At some point, someone in the house heard voices, carried out a mass murder or cracked and started scratching the walls.
13. Turn off the television (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it. It is obviously your wisest choice.
14. Never, NEVER pick up a hitch hiker.
15. Do not be curious and turn into a detective.
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at. Oh yes, Even though more than five reports for “Missing Persons” came up I’d say its still a perfect vacation spot.
17. Don’t get drunk or take any mind-altering drugs. You will most likely die if you are running from a serial killer while drunk and giggling.
18. If you see someone in a mask, do not assume it’s one of your friends playing a trick to scare you. Its the killer.
19. Everyone for themselves. 9 times out of 10 the group splits up to search for someone who has been dead for an hour. Thus it begins…
20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out. Do not run UPSTAIRS. Why would you search the house? What are you expecting will happen? He is the one hiding, he will find you first. Also what are you going to do if you find him first? Probably scream and run into a closet.. Obviously no one really thought this through..
21. If the dead are coming back to life, aim for the head. Also if someone you love has obviously been savaged or attacked by a zombie, Do not sit beside them and cry or lean over and ask if they’re okay. They are not okay. They are now a zombie. Now would be a good time to run.
22. Always listen to crazy old people, animals and children. They know what’s going on.
23.If someone in your group is too scared to shoot when the monster is advancing towards you, grab the gun and shoot the monster yourself. Use the weapon to shoot the monster and then your friend. Especially if there are other monsters around. Your friend was a dead weight anyway.
24. The killer is not dead unless he is in ashes or has no head. Even then he is probably still alive. Do not relax. You stabbed the killer once, FOR FUCKS SAKE HE IS NOT DEAD. HES NOT EVEN DEAD IF YOU SHOOT HIM A BUNCH OF TIMES. If you hurt him slightly and then run off to save your friend, you are an idiot and you will both die. You are much better off axing his limbs and then locating the nearest flame thrower or throwing them into the sea. Separately.
“I just think happiness is what makes you pretty. Period. Happy people are beautiful. They become like a mirror and they reflect that happiness. If somebody walks in the room and they’re drop-dead gorgeous and sexy, it’s really fun to look at. But if someone is giving of their spirit and they make you laugh and feel good, that’s a whole other level of beauty.”—Drew Barrymore (via rawrxja)